HONESTY CHANGES EVERYTHING

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Prophetic poetry, healing, sobriety & joy

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ICE QUEEN

      I  was lost (twenties)  locked in numbness far far away.


Fear ever-percolated, and when too much became double shot bravado

A muscular body provided power and rarely let me down.

Leanness and self control my superpower

Alcohol an arch enemy.

Patrolling cat-like ensnaring imagination of watchers with sexual energy.

...Male attention what I thought I needed.


Needy the terror of true intimacy kept me running

Wild at heart, 'not going there...'

The great pretender.


Strolling beneath speckled emerald canopy hips swayed 

Bare skin extends welcome

Road workers gaze lingered quizzically 

I internally squirm under 

his 

long look 


“What are you looking at!?”

Smack.Retract.

His giddy fantasy dissolves, “You’re so beautiful...”

His tender tone disarms 

Aorta ice break

Never the same again


After greedily receiving 'views' 

I longed for invisibility- shaman-power

Raw nerves

I circled life's perimeter-  outcast animal.


‘From a distance, that old Bette Midler  song echoed

 I believed alone = safety... quite the opposite


Wisdom says I need people- the right people.


     Twenty years later I cringe at my harshness. 

His powerful gentleness had cut through

Mistrusting gentleness

Operation: Reject em first.


Once they 'knew me' that would be that

Hidden beneath a sexy-girl mask


Humans interpret life through belief systems.

Children take everything personally 

How they're wired

Believing they cause people's feeling

Adults stay vigilant

Actions imprint.

Implanting life giving or destroying beliefs


Without self -worth like tree pollen floated 

Potential without soil to grow.

Straining, longing to belong

Who am I really?

I waited in the lost and found to be claimed


Einstein asked:

Is the Universe a friendly place or not? 


What do you believe?








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  WORDS I ONLY SAID IN MY HEAD 1997


Thank you for letting me stay here

Thank you for taking me in

Thank you for the beer and the food

Thank you for loaning me bus fare

Thank you for showing me around, a very kind thing to do

And thank you for the use of the clean towel;

thank you for half of your bed

We can sleep here like brother and sister you said

But you changed the rules in an hour or two; and I don’t know what you and your sisters do?

Please don’t, please stop

This is not my obligation- what does my body have to do with my gratitude?

Look at your little white lying 

For the purpose of justifying what you’re trying to do

I know that you feel my resistance

I know you heard what I said. 

Otherwise you wouldn’t need the excuse

Thank you for letting me stay here

Thank you for taking me in

I don’t know where else I would have gone

But I don’t come and go like a pop song you play incessantly then forget once it’s gone.

You can’t write me off

You don’t turn me on

So don’t change the rules in an hour or two

I don’t know what you and your sisters do 

Please don’t. 

Please stop.

This is not my obligation 

What does my body have to do with my gratitude?

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